I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize