If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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