I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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