then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize