Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize