Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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