I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize