How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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