so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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