proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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