obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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