Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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