dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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