Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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