I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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