you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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