margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize