What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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