I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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