I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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