We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize