I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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