I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just gift wrapped bread.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your penis caused this!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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