Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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