if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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