just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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