so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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