K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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