Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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