you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize