I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize