I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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