I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
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I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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