I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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