Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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