Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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