we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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