So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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