My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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