i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize