so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize