Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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