You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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