And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My balls are so social today.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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