Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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