she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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