And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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