weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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