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(954): View more from Florida

When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.

(1-954): View more from Florida

RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND

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(954): When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed. (1-954): RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND http://tfl.nu/q689

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(586): View more from Michigan

My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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(586): My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis. http://tfl.nu/m0vb

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"

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(414): You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!" http://tfl.nu/0oge

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(301): View more from Maryland

You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope

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(301): You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope http://tfl.nu/v6u5

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(954): View more from Florida

so i told him i still liked him. he laughed

(1-954): View more from Florida

well, your crazy. what did you expect?

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(954): so i told him i still liked him. he laughed (1-954): well, your crazy. what did you expect? http://tfl.nu/3mre

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(630): View more from Illinois

Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.

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(630): Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now. http://tfl.nu/6k12

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(850): View more from Florida

What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?

(1-850): View more from Florida

Her vagina devoured it.

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(850): What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"? (1-850): Her vagina devoured it. http://tfl.nu/yu5p

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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(603): In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it http://tfl.nu/f0et

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments

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(314): I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments http://tfl.nu/h9el

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(205): View more from Alabama

All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.

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(205): All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok. http://tfl.nu/h2pz

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(308): View more from Nebraska

So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?

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(308): So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/8n8l

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"

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(780): They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge" http://tfl.nu/puda

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(623): View more from Arizona

I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby

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(623): I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby http://tfl.nu/cxps

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(219): View more from Indiana

I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?

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(219): I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM? http://tfl.nu/704g

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(775): View more from Nevada

I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.

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(775): I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me. http://tfl.nu/o8pj

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