she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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