im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize