dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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